Text: Paul Hofman
Photo: Remon van den Kommer
Video: Paradox Productions
Ballet dancer and choreographer Ahmad Joudeh: ‘Dance or Die’.
Ahmad Joudeh (32) is this year undoubtedly the ambassador with the most moving and at the same time inspiring life story. Being an ambassador for Pride 2022 means a lot to him: ‘I want to be the voice of refugees. And a figurehead for them in the countries where I perform.’ We speak with him between rehearsals for his dance performance for the World Economic Forum in Geneva, Switzerland. He looks visibly tired but his eyes light up when we talk about Pride 2022.
Refugee camp
Ahmad is born in a refugee camp in Syria. His mother is Syrian and his father Palestinian. Together with his sister and brother he grows up in the camp where the family tries to survive. Like them, he is stateless. ‘In the camp I was bullied as a child, but from a young age I learned to stand up for myself. There were so many street fights. I literally fought to survive.’ Ahmad is stateless and gay which means he is not seen as a full Syrian citizen. ‘I was pushed into a corner.’
Love of dance
He is barely eight when he discovers that moving and dancing mean everything to him. His father disapproves and forbids it. But Ahmad keeps dancing anyway. ‘I followed my heart. Movement is my life. Dance is my breath. Nothing could and can stop me.’ His father beats him and once injures him so badly that Ahmad can’t dance for a while. But nothing and no one can take away his love of dance.
Horrible
A Dutch documentary filmmaker saw him perform in Syria in 2016. The civil war in the country was at its fiercest. ‘When I dance I feel free. Syria is my country.’ Ahmad still often has contact with his family who remained in Syria. He lowers his eyes. ‘I am very worried about them. The famine is severe and people are so poor. There is simply not enough food. You can’t imagine what it is like for people who have lost everything: their children and their home.’ He experienced the rockets, mortar shells, attacks, the horrific violence. ‘Horrifying.’ How did he end up in the Netherlands? National ballets around the world, from Australia to the United States, invited him to be a dancer. ‘I knew nothing about these countries.’
Chance stroke
That he ended up in the Netherlands was a matter of chance. Thanks to the persistence of director Ted Brandsen of the Het Nationale Ballet he came to the Netherlands. ‘He phoned me every day.’
‘Although I knew nothing about the Netherlands, I chose to come here.’ It changed his life completely. ‘That five-hour flight is etched in my memory. Everything became different.’ Here the unimaginable became reality. ‘I am free.’ He strongly feels like he’s in a film.
Abhorrent
In Syria he realises he is attracted to boys. He conceals it. ‘I never thought about coming out.’ Homosexuality is punishable by death. Although the Syrian government no longer enforces this, the terrorist organisation IS does. ‘Coming out as gay therefore means your death. According to them homosexuality is impure and abhorrent. In my view you are not less of a man if you love a man. This is the life I want to live. Nothing else.’
At 23 Ahmad decides to get a tattoo of his life motto Dance or Die on the back of his neck, the place where a knife would hit him in case of execution. For Ahmad Joudeh dancing equals existence. Stopping dancing is not an option for him.
In the Netherlands he discovers what freedom is. ‘Here I could finally be myself. I still remember the first Pride boat parade I attended like it was yesterday. It was 2018. I cried so much when I saw the pink police boat. Wow. That you are that protected and can be yourself. Incredible.’ Ahmad never imagined he would sail himself. ‘After five years in the Netherlands I dare now. I will sail with the UNHCR-boat (United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees). For a while now I have also been one of the faces of this refugee organisation. Just as he is for SOS Children’s Villages. ‘I make time for any ambassadorship.’ Last year Ahmad received his Dutch passport.
Speechless
His first reaction when he heard he would be an ambassador was one of speechlessness. ‘The first thing that came to mind was how much the Netherlands values me. A very special feeling. I am enormously grateful to take on this role as ambassador.’ For Ahmad it is a big step that fills him with pride. Ahmad sees with his own eyes that discrimination still occurs within the LGBT+ community. ‘That pigeonholing into groups must stop.’
Message
His message will be to emphasise how important it is to live in safety and peace, protected by the government. And he adds: ‘No matter your nationality, religion, or gender. I want to be an example for people — there is nothing wrong with being completely yourself. Living how you want and loving who you choose.’ He has kept the week of Pride Amsterdam 2022 free in his diary. ‘Where I can support people I will do so. And I look forward to being an ambassador.’ Life is smiling at him. Through his talent, charisma and dedication he is the ideal Pride ambassador. Ahmad keeps dancing to the music of freedom. Stopping is and will not be an option for him. ‘I am proud of who I am and how I live.’
Pride ambassador since 2022
