Text: Paul Hofman
Photo: Remon van den Kommer
Video: Paradox Productions
Ballet dancer and choreographer Ahmad Joudeh: ‘Dance or Die’.
Ahmad Joudeh (32) is undoubtedly this year’s ambassador with the most moving and at the same time inspiring life story. Being an ambassador for Pride 2022 means a lot to him: ‘I want to be the voice of refugees. And a face for them in the countries where I perform.’ We speak to him between rehearsals for his dance performance for theWorld Economic Forum in Geneva, Switzerland. He looks visibly tired, but when we talk about Pride 2022 his eyes light up.
Refugee camp
Ahmad was born in a refugee camp in Syria. His mother is Syrian and his father Palestinian. He grew up with his sister and brother in the camp where the family struggled to survive. Like them, he is stateless. ‘I was bullied as a child in the camp but I learned early on to stand up for myself. There were so many street fights. I literally fought to survive.’ Ahmad is stateless andgay which meant he wasn’t seen as a full Syrian citizen. ‘I was pushed into a corner.’
Love of dance
He was barely eight when he discovered that movement and dance meant everything to him. His father disapproved and forbade it. But Ahmad kept dancing anyway. ‘I followed my heart. Movement is my life. Dance is my lifeblood. Nothing could and can stop me.’ His father beat him and once injured him so badly that Ahmad couldn’t dance for a while. But nothing and no one could take away his love for dance.
Horrible
A Dutch documentary maker saw him performing in Syria in 2016. The civil war in the country was at its fiercest. ‘When I dance I feel free. Syria is my country.’ Ahmad still has frequent contact with his family who remained in Syria. He lowers his eyes. ‘I worry greatly about them. The famine is severe and people are so poor. There simply isn’t enough food. You can’t imagine what it’s like for people who have lost everything: their children and their home.’ The rockets, mortar shells, attacks, the horrific violence — he experienced it all. ‘Horrible.’ How did he end up in the Netherlands? National ballets around the world, from Australia to the United States, invited him to be a dancer. ‘I knew nothing about these countries.’
Lucky break
That he ended up in the Netherlands was a stroke of luck. Thanks to the persistence of director Ted Brandsen of the Dutch National Ballet he came to the Netherlands. ‘He called me every day.’
‘Although I knew nothing about the Netherlands I chose to come here.’ It changed his life completely. ‘That five-hour flight is etched in my mind. Everything became different.’ Here the unimaginable became reality. ‘I am free.’ He often feels like he is in a film.
Despicable
In Syria he noticed he liked boys. He kept it secret. ‘I never thought about coming out.’ Homosexuality is punishable by death. Although the Syrian government no longer enforces it, the terrorist organisation IS does. ‘Coming out as gay could mean your death. According to them homosexuality is impure and despicable. In my view you are not less of a man if you love a man. This is the life I want to live. Nothing else.’
Ahmad was 23 when he decided to get a tattoo with his life mottoDance or Die on the back of his neck, the spot where a knife would strike him in case of execution. For Ahmad Joudeh dancing equals existing. Stopping dancing is not an option for him.
In the Netherlands he discovered what freedom is. ‘Here I could finally be myself. I still remember the first Gay Pride boat parade I attended as if it were yesterday. It was 2018. I cried so much when I saw the pink police boat. Wow. That you are so protected and can be yourself. Incredible.’ Ahmad never imagined he would take part himself. ‘After five years in the Netherlands I dared to. I’ll sail with theUNHCR-boat (United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees). For some time now I’ve also been one of the faces of this refugee organisation. Just as he is for SOS Children’s Villages. ‘I make time for any ambassadorship.’ Last year Ahmad received his Dutch passport.
Speechless
His first reaction when he heard he would become an ambassador was one of being speechless. ‘The first thing that came to mind was how much the Netherlands values me. A very special feeling. I am extremely grateful to fulfil this role as ambassador.’ For Ahmad it is a big step that fills him with pride. Ahmad sees with his own eyes that discrimination still occurs within the LGBTQ community. ‘That pigeonholing into groups must stop.’
Message
His message will be to stress how important it is to live in safety and peace protected by the government. And he adds: ‘Regardless of your nationality, religion, or gender. I want to be an example for people — there is nothing wrong with being completely yourself. Live as you want and love who you choose.’ He has kept the week of Pride Amsterdam 2022 free in his diary. ‘Where I can support people I will do so. And I look forward to being an ambassador.’ Life is smiling on him. Through his talent, presence and passion he is the ideal Pride ambassador. Ahmad keeps dancing to the music of freedom. Quitting is and will not be an option for him. ‘I am proud of who I am and how I live.’
Pride ambassador since 2022
